Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Nasty Swamp Beast


The Nasty Swamp Beast (Nastius Bogius Beastius-saurus?) is a creature of unknown biology as few Swamp Beasts to let you see under their slime. Contrary to common belief Nasty Swamp Beasts, commonly known as "Ladies" (For females) "Gents" (For Males) and "Whatsits" (For Nasty Swamp Beast's third gender: Geemale), Nasty Swamp Beasts are most civilized people, as they commonly enjoy a nice cup of Swamp Water Tea and Singing Mushrooms while letting their feet literally roast on the fire. These fascinating creatures are an absolutely misunderstood, and have small populations due to human hunting expeditions (Actually They've always had small numbers as it takes three of them to create a single child, which since they're such a reserved race means.... reproduction rarely occurs. In Fact, Nasty Swamp Beast Populations have actually increased as human populations have increased). The Nasty Swamp Beast thrives on a diet of human flesh, old boots, and bubble wrap. Contrary to common belief, Nasty Swamp Beasts will not eat just any humans-they prefer tender man-children and teenage female human (They have a taste for lotions and "make up" is considered a delicacy).

Comment below  if you want to hear more about teh Nasty Swamp Beast. OH it appears I made a typo! Don't know what a Typo is? Click Here! 

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Saberian

Best known depiction of a
Saberian
Saberian: Though appearance wise, the Saberian looks highly similar to a Vampire, the two are very different creatures. Saberians rarely, if ever, travel in groups because most times Saberians do not get along well with other Saberians. These creatures were defined by A.V. Helsing as "hyper-destructive-fashion-obsessing demons."

Saberians and Vampires
Saberians and Vampires do share a number of similarities that are heavily out balanced by their differences. The first thing to note is that while Vampires draw blood from their victims to extend life Saberians do so because they "find the blood life of the living to be, simply the most exquisite, delectable substance on earth." Along with the this Saberians do not have an ever changing life span which is dependent on blood, a Saberian's life span is determined by how fancy his or her bowtie is. Saberians care only about two things, fashion and class. Vampires are nondiscriminatory in that who they draw blood from matters little too them. Saberians on the other hand, greatly prefer to rid the world of such disgraceful souls as "those who cannot properly dress." The largest difference? Vampires fangs generally are only a couple centimeters long, just long enough to draw blood from their victim. On the other hand Saberians bear fangs which can reach an astounding foot long, fang length is generally a matter of pride for the common place Saberian (how Saberians conceal their fangs is an entirely different matter altogether).

Lifestyle
Saberians tend to spend their days going to elegant parties, enjoying the appetizers (people who couldn't get in because their dress was not up to snuff) and discussing aristocratic politics. Normally a Saberian will be in ownership of at least 4 and a half mansions and an apartment complex. As far as breeding as breeding is concerned Saberians are vastly different than their Vampire cousins. Saberians utilize heavy transformative venoms which they store inside their lips, meaning that Saberians transform humans into Saberians through a kiss. Now this technique of breeding is especially successful for the Saberian because most of these creatures have mastered the art of human romance to a full fledged art form.

Prevention
To prevent being attacked by a Saberian make sure your clothing conforms to standard fashion levels for a rich person. Failure to use good smelling cologne and perfume is an invitation for a Saberian to feast upon your blood. To prevent being turned into a Saberian, avoid kissing people at dinner parties. Also a good question to ask people to see if they are a Saberian is "how many houses do you own?" After asking the question a Saberian will correct the term "houses" and replace it with "manors" and then try to bluff (as such an action is considered fancy), and say, "Exactly four and a half."

Friday, October 21, 2011

BEARICORN

Photographer unknown.... It is believed the photographer
died shortly after taking this picture of a Bearicorn.
THE BEARICORN: Believed to be the only animal on earth more fearless than a Honey Badger, as well as an animal of the same line as such marvels as Chuck Norris, CNR, Narwhals and... Unicorns?
           According to W. R. Bessner the Bearicorn is a sub-species of Ursus arctos horribilis or a Grizzly Bear.
The Ursus arctos horribilis corniger daemon or Bearicorn is located in only a few locations in the world. Most of the worlds Bearicorns are located roaming an near the boy scout camp: Tahosa, or in the African Congo. Now by Applied Practical Environmental Science (APES) standards the Bearicorn is considered a Critically Endangered species of Bear, however Bearicorns don't need human pity, because, Bearicorn population has been increasing rapidly (while local human populations rapidly decreased).


Bearicorns and Humans
        Let it be said that "You can mess with a bull, you can mess with snakes, you can mess with CNR, you can mess with Chuck Norris (highly recommended that you do not do so), BUT YOU DO NOT MESS WITH A FREAKING BEARICORN." Humans and Bearicorns have never got along, dumb humans try to hunt Bearicorns-fatality is one of the better fates they will meet. It is well known that the Bearicorns have every intention of hunting Humanity to extinction, since monkeys, humans and fish are their main food sources.
Bearicorns don't care about anyone except for themselves, but in the off chance that you are unlucky enough to run into a Bearicorn here are your steps for survival:


#1 ...Give up you're not going to survive an encounter with a Bearicorn



Saturday, May 7, 2011

Video!

MMMMM I LOVE CHEEESE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much.  :D

Nudist food

Nudist Food: a food of the European country of Poultry origin consisting of cooked vinegared rice (shari) combined with other ingredients (neta). They are the most common type of large super domesticated untastygulates. They are a prominent modern member of the substupidfamily Bovinae, are the most widespread species of the genus fat Boss, and are most commonly classified collectively as Fat Boss primigenius. Animal species such as cats that walk on their nudist food are described as being DINNER. Humans, and other animals that walk on the souls of their nudist foods, are described as being REALLY STUPID; Fat animals are those that walk on clothes at the tips of their nudist food. The nudist food, from Dinner to Fat and stupid:
  • Cheese
  • Glass
  • Horse
  • Cod (Don't know what cod is? LINK!)
  • God
  • Entertainment (Greek nudist dish)
  • Flying eyeballs (very tasty but very hard to catch)
  • Another one (Most descriptive name for this nudist food)
  • Pomegranate
  • Human bodies!
THESE ARE THE ONLY NUDIST FOODS ANY OTHERS ARE FAKE!

Sorry for the typos the keyboard is on fires. Don';t know what a typo is? click this link: LINK

The Falling Fat men

The falling fat men(of death):Triange CATis a vey fat ma He eats breakfthe e of the triangle arellled with random umbers tha make no sene at al becaue they are immginary numbrs rom te deths o oli Our friend the fat cat mnh is a vry fatfat mn loveso watch clocks and eatmaftr dinner.H alsoistns to ranomepeopleoutside taing about fat

Sorry for the typos the keyboard is on fires. Don';t know what a typo is? click this link: LINK

Alien cows

Alien Cows:  Alien cows re a unque bd of rabit, and the kove o eathoss and cow and humayeballs , nt other humanflesh because it is igustionganwelove to attackpee with the spac cows because thy are s vicsciously taty.


Sorry for the typos the keyboard is on fires. Don';t know what a typo is? click this link: LINK